If only
by InsaintyXD
Summary: my life is a sin so I must be guilty, everything I see and touch I hurt so I must be evil and the only way to stop that is to let myself die instead of the ones I love. Only now have I understood what people say when life is a sacrifice
1. I need to escape

**IF Only**

**I Do not own the twilight book or characters... a girl can dream though **

**Summery **

" **my life is a sin so I must be guilty, everything I see and touch I hurt so I must be evil and the only way to stop that is to let myself die instead of the ones I love. Only now have I understood what people say when life is a sacrifice. "**

"I think I'll eat now." I said quickly

Alice stood. "I'll come with you."

"Do you mind if jasper comes instead?" I asked. "I'm feeling a little..." I didn't finish the sentence. My eyes were wild enough to convey what I didn't say

jasper stood up. Alice's eyes were confused, but- I saw my relief- not suspicious. She must be attributing the change in her vision to some maneuver of the tracker's rather than a betrayal be me.

Jasper walked silently beside me, his hand on the small of my back , as if her were guiding me. I pretended a lack of interest in the first few airport cafes, my head scanning for what I really wanted.

And there it was, around the corner, out of Alice's sharp sight: the level three ladies room.

"Do you mind?" I asked jasper. " I'll just be a moment." Right then Jasper got a text, I wasn't even three feet away, I started sprinting towards the fire exit stairs. "Bella, wait." I heard jasper call after me

knowing that he would be after me but delayed because of public gave me the little hope I needed to detour in to a lift that was just closing. Just as the door closed there was a massive bang from the out side from jasper hitting the lift.

Finally the lift reached the ground floor which I hoped gave me some time to get out and run for the nearest taxi... or maybe not Alice was standing a few feet away. "Fuck." great how in the hell was I supposed to save my mother now. The look on Alice's face have actually scared me, it was between the piss off and get out of my sight look and the your dead to me look. So in English I'm dead or I'm dead.

I tried to make a big loop around Alice so I could get to the door but Jasper walked up behind me and grabbed my arm pulling me toward Alice. I tried to pull away from his grip but it was impossible, he must of felt it because he tightened his wrist.

"OW!" I cried, he was cutting off my circulation I really must have pissed him off "shut up and keep moving." Yep I pissed him off... where were we going he was heading out the front door and now Alice was right behind him.

...Why the hell were we in the Car park, Jasper lead me towards the car the only good thing was, was that his grip was relaxing. Slightly. When he unlocked the car and opened the back seat door he tried to push me in full cop style with the hand on the head and stuff. "I can get in myself, you don't have to treat me like a baby." "well if you stopped acting like-." he pushed me in and shut the door. How in the hell dose Edward put up with these people.

Hang on where was Alice and Jasper... FUCK there walking away... but I'm still in the car

I tried to pull the door handle but it would not budge "GET BACK HERE AND LET ME OUT YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKING PICE OF SHIT, I'll BE GOOD I PROMISE."_not._ "PLEASE...HELP...HELP IM BEING...VAMPNAPED?." every body that was going in my general direction turned away in another direction. I don't blame them I would to but I need to get out my mother is in a life or death situation but of course no one cares.

I need to find away to get out of here the only thing I could think of was to break the glass and even I know that's not the smartest option. But well when your me your first option is normally the last option, well you see us swans aren't really the sharpest tool in the shed so when we think of something that's not so smart we normally do it.

Right now my head was the hardest thing here so I used my head, literally it only took five hits still I started to get dizzy and another ten after that my vision got blurry, it was the seventeenth hit that did it... sort of I didn't break the glass but I passed out


	2. Escape is not an option

"If only" chapter II _escape is not an option._

I was barely awake when I started to hear voices coming from the out side of the car I tried to lift my head up to see who it was but my head spun and I fell back down. _"..._you what! Why did you... but still you could of handled it better..."

_beep beep_ I heard the back seat car door open and felt some thing slide in next to me "hey darling... Jasper you are going to explain what happened to her head or I will kill you right now on the spot." the yelling from the voices was giving me a massive headache I groaned and tried once again to sit up.

Then I felt Edwards cool hands push me back down. "stay... you may have a concussion." Edwards voice was full of concern. "mum...James...I need to be there … I need to escape from you..." I mumbled.

"hang on... what?" Edward said " James wants me to be there...he'll let my mum free... I have to be there... away from you... your not allowed to be there... none of you are... I need to escape but I don't know how..."

"Well your not going, you need to be here with me, where its safe." he said giving me orders "No but I have to escape that's the whole idea of it... a life for a life."

"Guess what for you little miss escape is not an option." I tried to sit up so It would give me a chance to yell him but he pushed me back down. "Carlisle I need you to come and have a look at Bella's head. It badly bruised and is starting to swell .

Carlisle came around from the back of the boot where he was talking to Alice and Jasper, he opened the other back seat door so he could get to me with out Edward getting it the way. He lightly pressed my skull and I lit out a little scream, it hurt so bad like someone getting a screw driver and drilling it in to your head.

"I think she has fractured her skull, keep her head as low as possible until we get her to a hotel where we can put some ice on it."

Edward slid in properly and put his seat belt on and Carlisle did the same "Bella what could have possibly made you hit your head so hard against the window?" Edward asked his voice was full of astonishment. Alice and Jasper slid in to the front seat, Jasper started to slowly reverse out of the car park

"Because I Need to get to my FUCKING MUM, why cant you understand that. She is going to die tonight if you don't let me go save her."

"So you think you can just go out to the middle of nowhere and get yourself killed just to save your mum? If you did managed to get that far. If only you got that far if you didn't get lost, he would kill you and your mother. Cant you see that?"

I knew he had a point, I knew it as soon as James had called but I could not just sit by waiting for my mothers death to come around, I had to die instead of her or at least die trying.

Tears stared to roll down my face, I have never been able to stand thinking about my own mothers death.

Edward saw my tears then he grabbed my shoulders and lifted them up so he and I could be at eye level. "I'm sorry, I truly am but I can not live in a life where you do not exist. I never want to lose you so I am not going to take the chance. I Know that is selfish but you are just going to have to live with it."

it was at least another two hours until we stopped so I slid back down and rested my head down on Edwards lap "if my mother dies it will be because of you and if she dose I will Fucken hate you for the rest of my life." after saying that I closed my eyes and started to dream

A/N hey im Emma, if you have any comments on how you like it or how bad is it i'd be happy to read them

thanxs so much InsaintyXD


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